NKblog

2011-09-11T21:50:00.000-07:00

* Conditions Apply - First Look.

After thorough deliberation, Mohit decided to send an invitation card to the Talpade family too. Alas, the wedding menu included alcohol, but the Talpades would have to make peace with that little hindrance. He stopped by at their house one morning before work, welcomed by a look so grumpy it could put Karan to shame.

‘Hello, uncle.’ Mohit smiled.

The uncle did not smile back. He looked at Mohit closely, and then frowned. ‘Sinha?’

‘Yes, you can call me Mohit.’ His suggestion was conveniently ignored by the uncle who had already turned his back to the guest.

‘Please come in, Mohit,’ Amit shouted, leaning from his dining chair.

Mohit stepped in. All of a sudden, time seemed to have come to an abrupt halt in the Talpade household. Everyone except Amit stopped whatever they were doing and started staring at Mohit, silently and intently. The aroma of thalipith had filled the house and Mohit hoped the mother or the aunt would fetch some for him from the kitchen. But all he got from them were the same investigative looks. Just then, Amit’s father and the dictator of the camp marched out of the bedroom, adjusting the knot of a tie knitted in a very archaic fashion. He suddenly gagged on seeing Mohit, as though his own tie was doing him in.

‘Uncle, I wanted to invite you all for my wedding next month,’ Mohit finally broke the awkward silence and handed Ashok Talpade a wedding card.

‘You are getting married!’ Ashok Talpade exclaimed. ‘To whom?’

‘Her name is Neha,’ Mohit said.

‘Neha who?’ he demanded. The uncle on the sofa turned his attention to Mohit too and listened on carefully.

‘Baba, please,’ Amit pleaded as he got up from the table.

‘That’s not a problem,’ Mohit cut in. His voice grew somewhat stern. ‘Neha Tandon.’

‘Tandon Bihari?’ the uncle threw up an open question to the audience and looked around the room like a curious little teenaged brat.

‘Tandon Punjabi,’ came a woman’s reply from the kitchen.

The uncle gave a disappointed look and lay back on the sofa with one wagging leg crossed over the other.

‘Same thing,’ the father commented drily.

‘Baba, please,’ Amit said more firmly this time. ‘We are late. Let’s go, Mohit.’

‘Yeah, you can go sit in his lap all day if you want, I don’t care,’ Ashok Talpade grumbled in a fluent dialect, parts of which Mohit latched on to, much to his own displeasure.

‘Why, is something the matter?’ Mohit asked with a frown. As he had anticipated, his question was ignored once again. Ashok Talpade pulled the card out of the envelope and began examining it with a grimace, as if reading a statement from the bank.

‘Where is the wedding taking place?’ Amit’s mother asked the first kind and relevant question as she came out of the kitchen, wiping off a thin sheet of flour smeared on her palms with the corner of her sari.

‘Delhi.’

Ashok Talpade suddenly shouted excitedly. The grimace turned into a delighted chuckle, just like that. ‘Are you going to Delhi?’

‘Just for the wedding,’ Mohit clarified. ‘Neha will be moving here after we are married.’ Ashok Talpade looked crestfallen once again.

‘Why?’ the uncle demanded gruffly.

‘Why not?’ Mohit retorted.

‘Isn’t Delhi a rather spacious city?’ the uncle asked curiously, once again throwing the question open to the audience. ‘And then this CWG gang decked up the city even more – Delhi looks like an extravagant garden now.’

Even till this point, Mohit was gullible enough to consider that to be a friendly suggestion from his neighbours. ‘Maybe,’ he said. ‘But Bombay is home, after all.’

The father’s voice shot up. ‘First of all, please get the pronunciation right. It is called Mumbai. And why do I feel this isn’t really home for you?’

‘I’m sorry?’ Mohit craned his neck forward and looked at Talpade almost threateningly. ‘You belong to Calcutta,’ Ashok Talpade explained, changing tack suddenly to a matter-of-fact tone. ‘Isn’t that where your parents live?’

‘My parents lived in this city for thirty-five years before going back to Calcutta,’ Mohit reminded him angrily. ‘My father has served a long tenure in this city, and I think you know this. We also own a house here.’

‘In a suburb far from here, I know.’ Talpade nodded with a smirk. ‘And yet you decide to rent a separate apartment here in Versova – now tell me, what’s the next game plan to stuff this city like a chicken coop?’ Amit’s mother sauntered gently towards her husband, beseeching him to stop. But he would hear none of it and dismissed her with a flick of his fingers.

‘I meant this to be an invitation,’ Mohit said, clearing his throat. ‘I’m afraid it’s turning out to be an interview. But if you insist on knowing, I chose to rent this apartment because it is closer to office and makes life more convenient. It’s not illegal, is it?’

‘Bhau, Sinha’s landlord is even smarter.’ The uncle laughed bitterly, thoroughly enjoying himself as he gently stoked the argument. ‘Vipul NRI Mehta.’ All this while, Mohit had not even been offered a seat. Sensing this was taking longer than he expected, he sought a chair himself, an action that did not please Talpade in the least. Amit whispered something to Amita; she scurried into the kitchen, came out with a glass of water and handed it to Mohit courteously.

Mohit took a sip of water and looked at Ashok Talpade once again, who had been staring at him all this while. ‘Sir, it is important for me to know this because we are neighbours,’ he began cautiously, ‘is there a very specific reason you seem to have a problem with me?’

‘Mohit, I think we must leave,’ Amit said anxiously. ‘We are running late.’

‘Let him get his answer,’ his father growled. ‘Tell me, Sinha, have you ever stood in a crowded fair?’

‘What about it?’

‘How does it feel when someone in a crowded fair stamps your foot?’ Talpade asked. ‘That’s what people like you make me feel.’

‘People like me would be …?’

‘All of you.’ He wagged his finger at Mohit angrily, now bellowing with rage. ‘You, your idiotic landlord who buys a house here and runs off to another country, and all of you in the new tower whose maintenance we have to pay for, at the cost of our own comfort.’

‘We shouldn’t have allowed the construction of the new tower at all,’ his wife concurred remorsefully. ‘It has left us with nothing – no space to walk, to park our cars, and certainly no ground for our children to play.’

Mohit laughed nervously. ‘Wow! I didn’t see this analysis coming. You know what – I’m out of here. I don’t think I should entertain this discussion any further. Amit, I’ll see you downstairs.’

‘What sort of a friend is he, Amit?’ a belligerent Talpade demanded. ‘Look how he talks to your father. Is this what his parents have taught him?’

‘Sir, may I request you not to say a word against my parents?’ Mohit charged down the aisle and breathed down Talpade’s throat. ‘Not one about my parents, not one about my fiancée. I’ll hear none of it.’

He thumped his way out of the room and was just about to slam the door when he decided to give Talpade a final piece of his mind. As he would opine often in his life later, it turned out to be a bad decision.

‘And, sir,’ he said. ‘If I may – your problem does not lie in the way we live our lives. It lies in the way you cannot live yours. Don’t blame an NRI who can afford to buy a house here and fly off elsewhere, simply because you are holed up with a family the size of a film starcast.’

---- * Conditions Apply: Coming soon to a bookstore near you.

2011-05-01T10:11:00.001-07:00

Change Is A Rogue

A rusted padlock, two keys in a trinket,

And a defunct old clock that needs to be reset.

I grab the hour’s needle and down it goes gently,

It springs back, I sigh, I heave up my trolley.

Farewell, amigo, for change is a rogue,

A charming little story, then a sour epilogue.

New hopes and new joys, I’m comfortingly told,

A travesty, this market – where your memories are sold.

My home, my speechless friend, you did hear much

Of my rues, of my highs, of my glories and such,

You echoed my triumphs, you vaulted my fears

In the cracks of your walls that guarded my tears.

I scoffed at your dwindled lamp, at an oft leaking tap,

But you know, in the evenings, solace lay in your warm lap,

Change is a rogue, and I can’t help but comply.

Do you feel the way I do? Do you silently cry?

I write your unsaid answer on the walls of my heart,

I stash away some memories, with some I must part –

A rusted padlock, two keys in a trinket,

And a defunct old clock that needs to be reset.

2010-08-10T01:17:00.000-07:00

Why You May Not Be An Indian

(Note: This post is a response to the Blogadda contest 'Mera Bharat Mahaan' in association with Pringoo )

Not too long ago, I chanced upon an article which, arguably in its own right, ostracized and ridiculed almost everything Indian – ranging from the country’s ethos to its people’s mannerisms. Interestingly, the writer is an Indian. So here goes nothing – my two cents of analysis of the writer’s lament against being an Indian.
Blame it on the days of Baywatch and Santa Barbara. The dope that the Western culture provided us through the advent of cable television offered more than just a grouse in the minds of thousands of conservative Indian parents. It gave us that one element that has become the root cause of the ‘India-will-never-be-any-good’ philosophy – we call that ‘hypocrisy’. And no, I’m not discounting what we have gained from embracing the West, but that’s a separate point of discussion altogether.
Our generation has become very vocal today. It’s a great thing, really, provided this art is channelized at moving a country in a direction of positive construct. Unfortunately, it repeatedly targets only the lacunae in an imperfect system which we are already aware of. But in the entire effort of our so-called evangelists at pointing out these imperfections, we tend to ignore the reality that these loopholes are being bred by us individually, at some level or the other. We are stranded somewhere between compulsive patriotism and a burning desire to project ourselves as a modernist community, seldom understanding what modernism really means.
Every Diwali, the media and public rant about the issues of noise and air pollution alike, simply as a sub-conscious effort to demonstrate our environmental consciousness in the backdrop of a festival that connects us to our roots and our culture. This environmental consciousness disappears into the black clouds of smoke emanated from our manufacturing facilities during the rest of the year.
We have created a fad of ridiculing and lambasting everything associated to the government – from our cops to our defence forces to our intelligence infrastructure. We make senseless comparisons between our systems and those in the West, without bothering to see the obvious difference between the sizes and the demographics of these countries. We cry foul over the corruption amongst the traffic cops who man our roads, but we do not notice that we feed corruption right into their currently deprived pockets by flouting traffic laws in the first place. That traffic constable who lives under penurious conditions offered by our democracy, and who stands on a filthy, polluted road more than twelve hours a day, cannot be expected to decline the temptation of a handsome bribe which most of us consider a frivolous amount worthy enough to weasel out of legal procedures.
Once too often, we come across an average NRI who mocks the Indian system on his favourite social networking site, inviting the ‘This happens only in India’ genre of comments. Little does he bother to realize that he probably has contacts on the forum who are not Indians – people who can afford a snigger at the disrespect an Indian has towards his own country. The real problem yet, is that the same NRI who obeys the smallest of laws in his country of residence, feels the sudden urge to bend the rules when he is in India on vacation. No, this is not a generalization of every NRI’s proclivities, but I know of many such examples that corroborate my argument nonetheless.
The only point I am trying to drive home through the above instance is that we all know our country has its shortcomings. But so is the case with almost all countries. Ghettos exist everywhere, crime is all pervasive, and racial discrimination is a given norm wherever you go. But nothing – absolutely nothing – warrants disrespect towards your own nation. Blaming the country’s inefficiencies for your own failures is also not an explanation that one can subscribe to. This is the same country that has produced the likes of Narayana Murthy, Sachin Tendulkar and Saina Nehwal. Not only have they fought through the same imperfections in our system that we deal with today, but they have also exemplified patriotism in the truest sense.
Those of us who do not quite understand or appreciate patriotism, we must talk to the families of the thousands of cops and defence personnel who laid down their lives while we sat and ranted about our misgivings about the country. Or we must simply ask a racially abused Indian who lives away from home, how much he yearns for the punctured system that at least accepts him as his own. And for those who still can’t help but groan over being born Indian, my humble suggestion to them would be to find the true place where they belong. While I have nothing against Indians who choose to live abroad, I do have a basic grouse against Indians who live in the country without bothering to give it a modicum of respect. My message to them – India really does not need you. As you would surely appreciate, almost all the problems in our country are linked to our large population. And the first step to that solution would be to find a place on the map of the world that suits your aspirations.

PS: I don't endorse bursting loud firecrackers on Diwali either.

2010-07-18T09:26:00.000-07:00

Why I Won't 'Go Air'

Last week, I committed the mistake of booking a flight with Go Air – 13th July 2010, flight G8/101. Will never do so again. Here’s why:

1) I had to travel to Bangalore for a very sensitive cause, and I could not afford to get late.
2) When I crossed the security check point at the Ahmedabad airport at 8.20 AM for the 9 AM flight, I heard an announcement that the Go Air flight was late by an hour.
3) With great difficulty I persuaded the security officers to permit me to cross back to the check-in counter so that I could get my ticket cancelled (even if not refunded) and board the Indigo flight which was to depart soon.
4) The lady at the check-in counter was either too stupid or too pompous, but most certainly very rude and unprofessional in her conduct, without any provocation whatsoever. She declined the cancellation and said the announcement was a ‘mistake’ – the flight was late by only thirty minutes. This behaviour – in spite of having told her I had to go attend a friend’s funeral, and I was already late.
5) Hence she re-issued my boarding pass and I crossed back over the security check point, only to find out that the flight was late by fifty minutes, and not thirty.
6) I spotted a Go Air staff member loitering around the security check area (he was not to be seen earlier), brought this anomaly to his notice, and sought his help in getting me an Indigo ticket.
7) Horror of horrors, he said he couldn’t help me! And that I should have checked with him earlier!
8) I told him he was nowhere to be seen earlier, and that the security officers won’t allow me to cross over again. And that hence he should please assist me in liaising with the Indigo staff.
9) He said I could go find an Indigo staff member around myself! (Hold on, it only gets worse)
10) I finally couldn’t hold my own, and sternly reminded him that it was a goof-up on part of his airlines that I was put to such inconvenience. The least he could do was to help me out.
11) He made statements like “You are unnecessarily getting angry”.
12) Finally, a personnel from Go Air did get me a ticket with Indigo, only in the nick of time.
13) I wrote a complaint to Go Air, demanding an apology from the senior management not only for the inconvenience, but also for the churlish and callous attitude of the staff.
14) I got a call from Go Air the next evening, asking me either for my Indigo boarding pass or a written certification from Indigo that I traveled with them that morning, failing which they could not help me!!! Needless to say, no passenger would keep a boarding pass after travel. And contacting Indigo for a written confirmation would mean inconveniencing myself further. Sounds stupid to me at least.
15) I replied saying I WOULD NOT do any such thing, and that this requirement was but a lame excuse to cover up for their pathetic service.
16) She said “Then we cannot help you.”
17) I said, “Alright then, I’ll take this matter to the Consumer Redressal Forum.”
18) She said, “Ok.”

I have nothing personal against any airline, my only grouse is that customers are often taken for granted. This must stop, and it won’t, if we don’t make some noise. I hope the concerned authorities consider my two cents of advice. Customers have plenty of choices.

2010-07-15T01:47:00.000-07:00

The Last Missed Call

Early this week, I lost a friend to an untimely and unanticipated death. As was his wont, he left us a bit of priceless advice even as he took the final walk – of always taking the calls that matter.
Two weeks before the tragedy struck, he called twice, and I couldn’t take his calls. I may have probably been in the midst of some important work, I don’t remember. But I do remember I made a mental note almost every day thereafter to call him back and speak to him. Just that I couldn’t. Two weeks later, I got a call that told me I was too late to do anything about it.
In retrospect, the reasons that held me back for those two weeks don’t weigh well against the loss I feel now. But there is little I can do now, except for remembering in admiration the effort he always made to go an extra mile for his friends. I remember that unassuming smile, and a phone glued to his ears, as he trotted across the campus attending to his daily quota of small talk with friends. I remember not only his facility with good humour, but also his compassionate countenance. And I remember his frequent pats on his colleagues’ drooping shoulders as he asked: “Why are you so glum, chum?”
Ironically, he has a reason to ask all of us that question again. Only, he knows the answer this time. But the least I can do for him now is to retain that sense of humour and his effortless smile. As well as to spread across the message that he always exemplified – to pick up the calls that matter. The phone won’t ring forever.

2010-06-16T11:36:00.000-07:00

Housekeeping Has A Name

The health club that I go to is one of the most modish gymnasiums in suburban Mumbai. It boasts of an illustrious clientele (I don’t include myself in it!) of pot-bellied industrialists, toned and botox-ed film stars, and a bunch of twenty-something rich dandies and dudettes. In a stark paradox, you also get to see a handful of housekeepers there, dressed in staid uniforms nearly ready to tear at the seams.
The housekeepers stand at various corners of the gym, looking around curiously, and sometimes aimlessly at the machines and the jazz-exuding spin studios which they will probably never use. They hold a Colin spray or the like in one hand, and a damp towel in the other. When the big sahibs and the memsahibs finish their routine on the treadmill, they rush to the machine and dutifully wipe the sweat off every corner before the next fitness enthusiast hops on to it and trots away to a five hundred calorie burnout.
Occasionally, when he misses a droplet or two, an irate customer calls out ‘Housekeeping’ with all of a hand gesture or a curt clap. Or worse, that ever irritating snap of the finger.
Come on, people! The guy’s got a name. It’s no more than a second’s effort to know his real name, but it might work wonders for his self-esteem. Let alone the self-esteem, I think that is the least bit of recognition he deserves. Rationally speaking, the demand-popularity ratio is severely skewed for the poor chap. Everyone seems to need his attention at the same time, either for cleaning a treadmill or for getting their bottle filled at the water cooler. But surprisingly, nobody considers it necessary to know his name.
I’m not sure if I sound too cynical making a fuss of the whole thing. But I did give it a thought. If I walked into my client’s office and someone snapped his finger at me saying, “Over here, consultant,”, I would not possibly take to it too kindly. Would I? Or would you?
For those who are unaware, or have simply not bothered to be aware: you know that shiny thing on the housekeeper’s tattered shirt pocket? That is a name plate that bears his name in fine print. Next time, do consider walking up to him and reading the name. It doesn’t matter then, if you return to your original position and call him by his name.
Do not take that unassuming smile for granted. It comes at a price too. ‘Housekeeping’ has a name.

2010-04-30T00:43:00.001-07:00

Indian Idol - talent hunt or a debris of hopes?

Somewhere in the corners of our vulnerable hearts, each one of us is a star. This belief is instilled in our minds like a tacit law, governed by our talent that people around us swear by. The adolescent girl in your neighbourhood is told by her friends that she is made to walk the ramp. A middle-aged man in a nearby village struggles year on year to have his stories published because the kids subscribe to his narrations with immense awe. Among the shanties that line up a distant suburb, dwellers reckon there is a certain rockstar among them. Riding on a million such assurances is a dream – a dream that all of us have seen now or before – of being admired as an idol. When we set off in insane pursuit of such a dream, there is but one emotion that catalyses all our moves – our self-pride.
A few weeks back, countless such dreamers congregated at what they thought would be the platform where they could show the world their flair. They lay outside the gates of the Indian Idol audition buildings for a whole hot night, yearning for that single moment that could convert their dreams into reality.
For most of these contestants, the smug judges sitting inside the hall may have been their idols they looked up to. I only wish the esteemed jury would spare a thought for the emotions, the pain, the struggle that nestled in the susceptible sensibilities of these people before lampooning them in front of an entire country. Of course, not everyone is necessarily as talented as one expects to be. But that does not warrant such assassination of emotions. Because at the end of the day, the self-pride is a constant. It doesn’t vary with the level of talent that a person claims.
If anything, a reality show should focus on encouraging new talent. That certainly cannot happen when its agenda changes to ridiculing someone’s emotions to an extent that he loses faith in his own talent.
Nobody is born a star. Nor were these three judges. Forget not that what goes around comes back, and it comes back hard.
(The irony that Anu Malik judges a singing contest is an altogether different matter. )

2010-04-27T23:46:00.000-07:00

A Simmer Of Dreams

Saw her last evening in the front seat of a car,
A young face riddled with a grimace and a scar
A kerchief clenched in her fist, she struggled to speak
As a teardrop contoured along her pale cheek.

Seated at the rear, decked in Prada new,
The mistress screamed foul like an incorrigible shrew
“What an incompetent mutt you make as a nanny,
Gosh, use your brains! Or oh, do you have any?
You were asked to keep an eye on little Grace,
And not to run amok all over the place!
What were you to get anyway in that expensive mall
That you left my child behind for your meaningless trawl?
You do get ‘em all, good food and my old suits,
Why, then, must you act too big for your boots?
The laxity aside, you must have some nerve
To ignore the paradox between what you get and deserve.”

The nanny said nothing, but much did her eyes
Of the simmer of dreams that beyond them lies,
A simmer that sees no equations of affluence
It rises in every heart, like an unsaid ordinance.

“To your mind they seem like trifles,” she seemed to say,
“But such modest nothings are enough to make my day.
Your wallet rings louder, but I wish you would know
That human pride sees no class, high or low.”

2010-04-02T13:58:00.000-07:00

The Devil Called Consumerism

I remember the first time I visited my favourite ice-cream joint in Baroda, circa 1989. It was a quaint hut-shaped shop, small yet inviting. I had topped my class and my parents had afforded me the liberty of buying two ice-creams that day. I chose a Mango-Vanilla cone, followed by a Chocolate-Vanilla one. I distinctly recall they were priced at Rs. 18 then. There was not much room inside the shop – just two narrow tables, one of which I stood against for support as I took my time to lap up the ice-creams. For the next seven years or so, I visited the same shop no less than once a week, which must have been a total of at least 365 times. But my choice of flavours never changed. There was something about the memory of the first visit that lingered on, and I stayed loyal to the same two flavours. Years later we left Baroda, much to my intense grief and resolution that I would never eat ice-cream anywhere else. (I did not really stick to that.)
Last weekend, I took my wife to Baroda. On our way to the same ice-cream shop, I told her about that unique smell and ambience of the shop, and how it had come to be my first love. But when we reached the joint, I saw something that wrecked my nostalgic reverie. The hoarding was in tatters. The tiles on the floor were evidently not being cleaned. And the smell was gone – probably overpowered by the aroma of a McDonald’s outlet somewhere nearby. On enquiring with the staff, I was told of the diminishing demand of the shop with the advent of various branded outlets in the last decade and a half.
“Impact of consumerism,” my MBA-wife threw in a smart one. I cringed. I looked at the menu card in dismay. The simple, earthly names of Mango-Vanilla and Chocolate-Vanilla had been renamed to ‘IPL Twenty-Twenty Mango Ripple’ and such. God knows what that meant, but it sure didn’t feel the same any more.
I’m quite the victim of consumerism myself, so I can’t scoff at it. But there’s something about this devil that has taken away a prized memory of a place I associated myself with. For the sake of a few such chronicles, I pray that a part of our past is retained. And while the world may subscribe to the classiest outlets today, I still prefer my narrow table to lean against as I take leisurely bites at my cone. At any rate, it is more fulfilling than a ‘Finish your ice-cream in three big bites and win a free trip to Timbuktoo’ contest.

2010-03-22T02:34:00.001-07:00

A tryst with the Lord

We were at the Hilton, Mumbai on the evening of Saturday, minutes before the MI/RCB IPL clash. Fans had thronged the lobby with autograph books and throbbing hearts. After a long wait, familiar faces (heroes to some) began coming out of the front elevators in trickles, building up the cadence in the hotel, slowly but surely. As kids and grown-ups flocked around them alike, we observed the pointed gleam in their eyes. The stars reciprocated, some with autographs, and some by getting just plain chatty with the crowd before they headed out towards the bus.

And then a few minutes later, the security guards began persuading the crowd to step back a little. A certain excitement gripped the air as five bodyguards blocked the passage between the main foyer and the elevator. Out came the Lord himself, in full blood and flesh, like a divine ray of light. There was a moment of silence, almost disbelief, before the crowd erupted into a loud roar chanting 'Sachin' like obsessed devotees. But unlike the other players, and much to the disappointment of many, he went past everyone without as much as a cursory glance of acknowledgement. His eyes and face gave away nothing - not the ecstasy of his achievements, not the dismay of betrayal when he was in the pits, not the grimace from his endurance - just a stoic calm that said he was not done yet. He was there not for the accolades, he was there not for the titles. He was there, only to play for passion.

And while some misconstrued his indifference as sheer arrogance, I saw it as the mark of a true champion with a linear focus.

2010-03-02T09:58:00.000-08:00

One Hell Of An Over-rated Word! (Presented to a college magazine)

Dear Students,

My first indulgence in the word ‘love’ had resulted in a rather demoralizing catastrophe. I was eight, and I told little Florence sitting next to me in class that I loved her. God knows why – maybe it was a fallout of the boring math class that needed a pleasant digression. She told on me, and I got smacked on the knuckles by the teacher, who glared at me like I had engaged in the biggest profanity there ever was. A day later, my mother was summoned, and I was given another sermon at home the memories of which are not endearing either.
In the days that ensued, my frail sensibilities gawked at the ruckus created over a word that, we were taught, was but a simple expression. Years later, I realized that the moral lessons on love missed an important caveat – that the word had indefinite prerequisites associated with it. Today, in order that I can love, I should be a) wealthy, b) well qualified, c) sensitive (whatever that means), and preferably d) a well chiseled body that can pass off as a wax statue. Just for the record, Florence finally chose Francis over me because he was a product that fulfilled all the aforementioned criteria (and he also gifted her a soft toy).
In hindsight, the entire concept of love has become so complicated that we humans have become compelled to treat it rather frivolously. We revel in our cash registers, wine & cheese, and even in massaging our boss’ ego at work. With so much to do, there is little time for love. Add to that the technology we so insanely make love to, and we are left with nothing but an i-Pod in our hands and greed in our hearts. What the heck, our i-Phones today can even sing lullabies for our babies – why do we need worry about true love and compassion?
Let’s step out of the parochial view of love now. Our school textbooks had a pledge printed on the front cover that taught us to love our fellow global citizens. The global love is about as real as a hologram, but we are presently in a situation where we find it hard to love even our own countrymen, or our statesmen, or even our neighbours in the society. It is probably high time we bring down the standards of a good citizen then to the quality of ‘tolerance’, rather than ‘love’. Let us first set up a pledge to be able to tolerate people around us, to not give in to social, regional and religious misgivings, and to build a peaceful world. You never know, a miracle called love might just follow.
Even as I write, I get a call from my parents. And I realize, some relations make you realize that the world is indeed a nice place, and people are nice too if you look at them the right way. Thank God for the seldom felt unspoken love!

2009-11-22T09:51:00.001-08:00

Let The Candles Shine Brighter

This Thursday will mark the anniversary of a dark day in the country’s history that no Indian would ever want to forget. The gory visuals flash across our eyes once again, and a seething pain runs through our veins – a pain that can probably best be fathomed by my fellowmen who were present at the sites or by those who lost their loved ones in the tragedy. Today, we ask ourselves once again – has the common man woken up to the assault?
First things first. This was not the first terror strike that has shaken us. There have been plenty. And by now, the common man – which includes you, me and every other person who has asked the above question – would have garnered sufficient prudence to realize that something needs to be done. This was affirmed by many an angry voice a year back, as well as today. Very well, yes. But I reckon it is worthwhile to sit back, ask ourselves what the ‘something’ is, and get started.
As commoners with limited offices, it is reasonable to argue that there is not much action we can initiate except for sounding preachy, that often veneers towards sounding hollow. But if we cut through the fetters that bind our thoughts, we will see there is much that can be done.
For starters, it is imperative to appreciate the importance of internal tolerance (if not brotherhood) before crying foul over the foreign forces that act filthy with us. Sure, terrorism is a burning issue. But let us not ignore the pressing need for first accepting each other the way we are, and for putting an end to the factionalizing of our fellow Indians.
We still get into meaningless brawls on the roads. We still argue over which God is greater. And we still resort to violent assertions over regional rights to local residents. And then we hold candles to pledge solidarity. Do we not see the stark paradox?
A tragedy of unforeseen proportions struck, and we were all out on the roads, conducting protest marches(I’ll make no bones of the fact that I was a part of those marches too). The intent behind these acts is well taken. But did we ask ourselves of the real value they brought to our objective? For all you know, those marches may have affected a fellow Indian who was trying to get to a hospital in an emergency. When the solidarity mattered the most, the voter turnout in the elections was not so much as fifty per cent. Sadly, this speaks very poorly of our will to fight for our rights.
Think about it. What might go a longer way in helping India would be to take ownership of individual responsibility. Why don’t we form groups of like-minded people; identify and promote able youngsters in whom you see the perfect bureaucrats of tomorrow - a much better deal than to hold placards demanding the damning of the current government? Why don’t we stop asking why the Indian defense and intelligence infrastructure are not as efficient as the FBI and the CIA, and start contributing with our little bits of responsible civilian behaviour, so that the attention of these forces can be focused on the real issues at hand? Why don’t we render a smile of gratitude to the security guard at the mall for taking those extra six seconds to scan our satchel so he can ensure our safety, instead of scoffing at him for delaying our entry into the cinema hall?
Let’s ask ourselves these questions. They need simple answers which can be addressed within the realm of our own little capacity. These answers might just kindle our minds. And then, the candles in our hands will shine brighter. And longer.

2009-11-13T11:39:00.000-08:00

What's Your Worth?

This morning, I held a copy of my new novel for the first time. It was a magical, almost surreal moment to see in complete flesh and flair a product I had been trying to give shape since the latter half of 2007. An interesting journey this, of over a year and a half - compiled by moments of ecstasy where ideas flowed generously, months of frustration where I nearly pulled my hair out for want of ideas, and eons of uncertainty as I faced multiple rejections from the publishing fraternity before finally landing the right choice. A friend asked me how easy was it to cope with the impatience and anxiety. To which I replied, "Very difficult, unless you can remember to always ask yourself the quintessential question: "What's your Worth?"".

Circa 2005, I was attending a B-school fest with some friends from college. Not surprisingly, I was not who you'd call the shining MBA star in the group of twenty, who was to achieve something magnificient in any of those contests. While the other nineteen had proven their prowess in some contest or the other, I had not so much as made it through the elims of any of them. And this ugly truth was brought to the fore by one of them, who said as we all sat for dinner: "Come on, Nishant, will you ever show your worth somewhere at least?"

The triviality with which the comment was made was not important. It was the hurt that lingered within for months at end that got me to ask myself, "What indeed, was my worth?" I found the answer in due course of time and discovery. Today, as I see my books in the store shelves, I am glad I've managed to answer my friend's concern. I have shown my worth - if not to him, at least to myself.

My discovery of my worth is in doing what makes me happy. In pursuing my dream. In challenging myself. And whenever I feel short of breath or tack in the chase, I remember that dinner - those nineteen sniggers, and the one important, maybe unintended advice: to realize my worth.

Humour yourselves with this question. You never know when it helps you take the otherwise unimaginable flight of fancy.

2009-08-03T03:06:00.000-07:00

The Plan

Of a forgotten year, there's a memory I recall
Of a few bright stars in the school's felicitation hall,
I scuffled for space in the corner of an aisle
To cheer for Maria as she picked her prize with a smile.

I asked Maria out but she didn't care two pence,
Seek friends among equals, she said with insolence.
An injured ego and a broken heart then drew a plan:
'Tomorrow I'll be something, for I know that I can'.

In the name of inspiration, arose evasion tactics,
When I stacked heroic biographies and motivational flicks,
And in the dead of the night, a rendezvous with my dreams
Would assure me that success is as easy as it seems.

Days run into years, and years into a decade,
A hundred resolves broken, a thousand others made,
I still sneak out the paper that contains the old plan,
Saying 'Tomorrow I'll be something, for I know that I can'.

Life moves in a rut, resolves get difficult to keep,
I try dreaming big, but simply drift into sleep.
Tomorrow I'll be something, and I know that I can,
But defining the 'something' is the next part of my plan.

2009-06-18T23:17:00.000-07:00

Last night, I watched an insipid film that had everything a film should not have - a bad script, gawdy costumes, a hero who smells bombs when he is not being the cute chocolate boy in college, and a 'bebe' who hams like there is no tomorrow. But I'm not complaining. I made a choice, and a mindful one at that. The promos had got me sufficiently aware of what was in the offing, and I still gladly trotted along to the movie hall.
But then, there is something surreal about cinema that attracts me to it. It pulls me into its charm. It makes me want to believe in it. I have almost started pining for the power possessed by the protagonist. I mean, I could use some divine smelling power so that I can pre-empt my boss's attempt at peeping into my screen as I write this waste of a post!
I flourish in the vicarious thrills of being a hero some day, of riding bikes in the air, of dancing on stage even with two left feet, and of romancing a princess after rescuing her from a bunch of terrorists. Suddenly, cinema makes everything seem alright. Hail cinema!

2009-04-26T11:38:00.000-07:00

The Secu-LIAR-ist Ideology!

There are quirks of this society that never cease to surprise, or rather, rattle me. A friend of mine was recently denied the purchase of some property in Mumbai - reason: he is a Muslim! Quite shocking, I'd say. It's routine news, some others might say. But the point is - I think it's disgusting to think that people can have such parochial mindsets in what they call the advanced era of a modern India. I mean, to stoop as low as to deny someone an equal right based on his religion is pretty shameful. But let's leave that aside for now.
What I fail to understand is, how do we have the (in)sanity to indulge in such trifles after witnessing such heinous forces already trying to disturb the harmony of the country (it's barely 5 months since 26/11, guys!). Is the bitterness that they are trying to spread in here not already enough? Is it wise to give these external demons a reason to laugh at our own inability to live harmoniously? How much sensibility does it take to consider the existence of compassion and humanity beyond a concocted boundary of religions? Food for thought, everyone.
For the property owner who prompted me to write on this hackneyed topic - do remember, the world goes a full circle. Let not a day come when you find yourself seeking a plush home abroad, and you are denied one simply because you are not of the same creed as the others. But if it does, you will probably wish you had been a little more broad-minded towards your own countrymen. Don't take this suggestion to heart. Take it to your soul, if you have one.
It's no good faking integrity and unity and..what was that word again? Yeah, SPIRIT! - if you can't get your basics right. To sum up what we stand as even after witnessing a hundred 26/11s already, I'll end by re-writing a few lines I had recently penned:

We limp back to life on a busy city street,
Where meaningless trifles turn up the heat.
Curses turn into blows, and blows into bloodshed,
Each man for himself, unity be dead.
Those demons laugh at us as we busy ourselves in the brawl,
And we still proudly claim: United We Stand, Divided We Fall.

2009-04-14T06:04:00.000-07:00

Meru - RELY ON US! - Whattay farce!

A few days ago, I had to make an urgent trip from Malad to Nariman Point. I must've been damned when Meru's tagline RELY ON US registered with my sensibilities, and I requested for their service. What I saw was a stark example of how a brand's performance goes tangentially away from the values it boasts of. Here's a snapshot of the proceedings:

4 PM - I call Meru RELY ON US and ask for a cab; am told it will pick me by 5 PM

5.15 PM - The cabbie tells me he is stuck at the nearest signal to where I am waiting, and he will be there soon

5.25 PM - I call frantically, he is still stuck at the 'same signal' (Now the same answer is repeated each time I call, till around 6 PM).

6 PM - I blow my top, take another car, and call the Meru RELY ON US guys to tell them how unhappy I am.

Now, there's one thing called customer dissatisfaction, but what I got here was augmented customer dissatisfaction, if ever there was such a word. For, when I called them simply requesting them to pass their phone to their team leader, they either refused, or they simply dropped off. On the fourth occasion, they obliged and made the team leader speak to me. Now, in a desperate attempt to salvage the image of Meru-RELY ON US, the team leader launched a senseless tirade against me, accusing me of not being watchful enough, and telling me that the cab was at the required pick-up point at sharp 5 PM! Obviously that meant that one of the cabbie or the team leader was lying! And lying rather stupidly!

The rest of the experience I had with the team leader is best forgotten. But my only inference from the whole episode is that Meru RELY ON US can't quite be relied on. Surely not when you have an emergency to attend to. The services of a company that can't respect its customer's time commitments are best left to experiment with on a lazy Saturday evening.

2009-03-09T19:40:00.000-07:00

The Other Side Of The Fence

I recently attended the Mohit Chauhan concert organized by a bunch of college students in Pune. The lawns had been divided into two clear factions: one was the designated VIP zone, complete with its plush sofas and an exquisite arrangement for comestibles-on-demand; the other was a lowered slope which was an open area for the college students to stand and watch the show. Clearly, the latter option looked much more colourful and vibrant. Students stood in huddles, swaying to the tango, and singing their hearts out sans inhibition.
"Let's take that option, it gets me nostalgic," I suggested to my colleague IC, who had unwillingly been dragged along for company after getting an assurance that I would shield him against any salvos that his demonic boss would fire at him for leaving an unfinished code at work.
"The organizers won't let us in," IC grunted bemusedly, "we have the VIP passes. And anyway, these students are happy because they are free of guilt. They haven't got here by lying to anyone. I still can't believe you convinced me to threaten my boss that I'd puke right in his cabin if I didn't leave office early."
"It will be worth it," I laughed, "let's get in now."
The organizers checked our passes and guided us to the VIP area.
"We'd like to stand there," I requested, pointing to the lowered slope.
"Sorry Sir, that's for the students," the boy resisted, "you've got VIP passes."
"That's ok," I argued, trying to shove through, "we were also students three years back - not a big deal."
"That's three years too long, Sir, I insist," he stood firm, "please take your seats on the other side of the fence. You'll be more comfortable there."
The show was on, but I felt something was amiss. My mind drifted continually to the open area, to the crazy jigs the students performed together in sync with the soulful songs being rendered by the performers, and to the three years gone by that felt like eons. And then, Mohit began explaining the lyrics of a new song he had composed, which talked of a bird's desire to take a long due flight from the hills down to the valley. I felt Mohit was scanning my thoughts as I gazed down at the slope to my left. I was the bird, and my wings flapped with candid anticipation. But alas, I knew not the route back to the valley.

2009-01-07T01:02:00.000-08:00

A Shackled Soul

The child under censure looks for a freeway,
Paper boats and fables don’t quite make his day.
Scoffing at the fetters that shackle his soul,
He prays to be a man, so he can be on his own.

The distressed young man breathes out of his window,
Smothered by a cocktail of stress, greed and ego.
Sweet nothings of yore left behind, many a mile,
He prays to be a child, so he can remember how to smile.

Child to the man:

I’m done with the sermons on the person I should be,
Why can’t the world just let me be me?
The scores I bring home define my parents’ love or disdain,
You know not the anguish of constant embargos and refrain.
I envy you so, for you can tell good and evil apart,
And you have the freedom to let that special someone into your heart.

Man to the child:

I’ve wings to fly, but I’m dizzied by the height,
There’s not a soul around me on this dark, gloomy night.
I crave for those lazy naps in the noon,
Looking back on a fond era that passed by too soon.
When you fail, your mother does comfort her son,
But as today I fail, all I see is an empty room and a loaded gun.

2008-10-14T07:01:00.000-07:00

United We Stand

The paparazzi scream out a somber story,

Filling our senses with images gory

Of a wounded child walking through a hundred shrouds,

Searching for his mother amidst those smoky clouds.

With a silent prayer, I try to sleep every night,

But the littlest of noises wake me up with a fright,

Each step that we tread on is now a landmine of fear,

And the demons from the other world look at us and jeer.

But they can't break our strength, we stand brave and tall,

And proudly we claim: united we stand, divided we fall.

A gallant cop kills and dies for a cause,

But we bicker listlessly about ethics and sketchy laws,

A life too precious is laid down in vain,

As his commitment to his brethren is flushed down the drain.

We limp back to life on a busy city street

Where a meaningless trifle turns up the heat.

Curses turn into blows, and blows into bloodshed,

Each man for himself, unity be dead.

Those demons laugh at us as we busy ourselves in the brawl,

And we still proudly claim: united we stand, divided we fall.

2008-07-24T11:07:00.000-07:00

The Brook And The Maple Leaf

One little brook wends its way through the wild,
Letting out whimpers like an abandoned child,
It searches for a friend that is lost since long,
Cries out to the maple leaf an invoking song.

"Dear maple leaf, where have you been?
It’s been ages since the horizon together we’ve seen.
Come let us go see the sun set again,
Relive the moments we savoured back then."

"Dear old brook, I miss you as much,
But we can meet no more, our fate is such,
The moisture in you makes me lose my sheen,
So I’d rather stay snug in the wilderness green.

In my adversity you sailed me through,

I know you care for me, and I love you too.

But times are anew, and you are no longer sweet and pure,

The velvet grass where I lie is a better lure."

The brook falls still, stricken by grief,
In shock and dismay, turns to the maple leaf:
"Do you forget the day you were in want of direction,
And I had taken you along to your destination?

You now need me no more, then so it will be,
Stay rest assured, you’ll see no more of me,
I’ll flow till eternity and merge with the ocean,
One day you’ll wither, you’ll remember me then."

2008-06-29T11:57:00.001-07:00

Avaricia

I chased her slithering silhouette under the crimson moon,
Her fragrance filled the forest air, and my heart began to croon.
I looked her in the face when I reached the riverside,
My heart skipped a beat, and I asked her to be my bride.

Innocence met radiance, and converged into her eyes,
Her head tilted downward coyly and refused to rise,
Softly she said, “Marry you I will,
But not before I tell you what’s for you beyond that hill.
On the top of that hill lives the world’s prettiest dame,
Her looks are a snare, Avaricia is her name,
If you ask for her hand, all you have is one chance Sir,
For a single question is all you can ask her!
Another question asked, and she will melt into the air,
So choose your question with wise thought and care.”

“I’ll ask for her hand,” I said in glee,
“No other question then will mean anything for me!”
I then ran for Avaricia, across the length of the forest,
Leaving behind an angel, in quest for the best.

I found her on the hill after an hour’s long find,
And the angel’s warning crept out of my mind,
“Are you Avaricia?” I asked her faintly,
To which she nodded and smiled briefly.
“Will you marry me?” Was my next question to her,
And in a flash of a second, her image began to blur.
When she was out of sight I knew what I had done,
I prayed in vain but I knew she wouldn’t return.

I ran back for the angel whom I had left in greed,
To make her my bride, once again I would plead,
But after another hour’s run when I did reach there,
All I saw was the silent river and her fragrance in the air.

2008-05-10T10:50:00.000-07:00

Fifty-fifty in the mind

He walks in nimbly, with a marksheet he wants to hide
From the loving parents who say he is their pride.
Fifty-fifty in the kid’s mind: to admit failure, or simply lie
And drown deeper in his guilt as each night passes by?

A tiny morsel in her mouth, and two bellies to feed,
She faces a dilemma between love and greed,
Fifty-fifty in the cat’s mind: save it for her kitten, or have her fill
And let the young one sleep hungry in the December chill?

A plump young lady eyes a succulent chocolate slab
That impedes her will to fight her ugly flab.
Fifty-fifty in her mind: to resist, or to surrender
And shift her slimming deadline to another date on her calendar?

Hoping for his maiden win, he hits the shot of his last set,
And the ball stops for a split second as it hits the tip of the net.
Fifty-fifty in the player’s mind: Will today be his game,
Or will he yet again return, hanging his head in shame?

The penniless, abandoned old man holds a prescription slip,
There’s a car at the crossroad that might offer him a tip.
Fifty-fifty in his mind: stoop down and beg, or stand tall and firm,
No matter if his illness makes him scream and squirm?

With a prayer on his lips and a racing heartbeat,
He sees her approach him, and he gets cold feet.
Fifty-fifty in the lover’s mind: Will she hold his hand and smile,
Or will she walk far away, far, many a mile?

2008-05-07T11:34:00.000-07:00

Autobiography of a Wall

I am a wall, dead and cold,
But hear me out, I've a story to be told,
Of the place I've seen for years two score.
Hear me out, before I fall to the floor.

The loving patriarch of a family of four,
Had built me with love and care galore,
I stood tall in the courtyard, through sunshine and rain,
For the family that bonded through laughter and pain.

I was the canvas for the toddlers' meaningless art,
And a love letter for the doting wife, so she could speak out her heart,
And I still bear the marks of the wet vermilion-coated palms
Of the elder son's wife who was welcomed home with open arms.

But soon I saw a sad turn of the tide,
When one day the old patriarch died,
A spate of misfortunes then found its way through,
And a feud between the siblings began to brew.

One said to the other, "To deal with you is tough,
I'm moving in next door!" And he walked out in a huff.
Thus, the boys who once used me for graffiti and child play,
Used me now to veil the hate, that was growing by the day.

The distraught, widowed mother often leans by my side,
And in my million crevices lets her tears and wails hide,
When I see what's around me - hatred and pall,
I oft thank my stars I'm made an expressionless wall.

I heard I'm going to be razed and remade,
So each brother gets his space and ends his eternal tirade,
I invoke them to rather destroy me as a whole,
If that can revive bonhomie in their lost soul.

2008-04-23T23:18:00.000-07:00

My Life Is A Song

Walking out of my world which was turning dangerously bland,

I chanced upon a desert in a faraway land,

Where the velvet sand was kissed by the sun's amber rays so bright,

And for miles around, there was not a soul in sight.

Then, in a pleasant paradox to the arid heat,
Lay a large oasis at some hundred feet,
I strode a little closer, and couldn’t believe my eyes,
Sprawled across was a green paradise.

Surrounding a gentle brook that made music so fine,
Stood scores of trees, of fir and pine,
Around which little elves and fairies trotted along,
Humming “My smile is my sunshine, my life is a song”.

I went to them and asked if they were aware,
Of the loveliest place on earth that ever was there,
They motioned towards the mountain at the aft of the stream,

Said, the view from there was a surreal dream.

I scaled up to the peak where the earth met the sky,

Ecstatic, I prayed for wings so I could fly,

Sheets of white were spread all over,

And I wished to freeze, right there, forever!

A resounding thwack shook me up from my daze,

I turned to see the boss offer a petulant gaze,

He said, "Of daisies and damsels you dream all day,

But if you don't spruce up now, you'll jolly well have to pay!"

Ah, so for the money and the status, I'll reconcile,

I'll clear up my work that's gathered in a pile,

Won't fuss today that my life is a whole lot of crap,

For I saw the beauty of the world in a short little nap.

2008-04-22T02:52:00.001-07:00

Sorbet On Ice

I woke in a cringe to a mangy little wail,
'Twas one of those guys trying a futile Sunday morning sale,
I peeped out of my window with bleary eyes
To find a little lad selling sorbet on ice.

Shorn of the smile that a child should wear,
He was frail as a leaf, ready to tear,
As he caught my eye, he pleaded in earnest
To buy his sorbet, so he could be blessed.

I curbed my wrath and shooed him away,
How I hate being bugged on so early a Sunday!
I walked to the park just round the neighbourhood,
Thought the morning's fresh gale would do me some good.

A trepid mind then began counting its woes,
Of finances and farces, of friends and foes,
And just then a sorry sight caught my gaze,
When a wiry old lady tripped and fell flat on her face.

I rushed to her and helped her to her feet,
Blood streamed through her nose, she looked forlorn and beat,
Her confounded look bespoke the saga of her life,
One of separation, sorrow, soliloquy and strife.

I asked her if I could be of some help to her,
She said, ‘Oh yes, you very much can, kind Sir,
I’m looking for my son who has deserted me since long,
Without telling me what I did so wrong.’
Of her limitless love with passion she spoke,
‘I need to see him,’ she said with a choke,
‘I’m bereft of love, and I have little time
To gain his love, and forgiveness for my crime.’

I slinked away, in shame and regret,
For being thankless for what each day I get,
For little trifles that seemingly affect my plight,
I forget that I at least have my loved ones in sight.

As I wound round the street, I saw the same little lad,
Cowering under a tree, hungry and sad.
I ambled upto him and asked for a sorbet on ice,
And my day was made, when I saw the glee in his eyes.

2008-02-04T03:40:00.000-08:00

Monday Blues

There is an eerie sensation that grips me as I step into my cubicle on a Monday morning. My restive mind spurs a mélange of worries – be it facing the boss’s tirade for not having completed the previous week’s urgent deliverable, or be it planning how to duck the next deliverable likely to be handed to you (URGENT!!! Again!). I somehow escape the invectives in the morning call (why does it have to be 9 AM IST?) and scamper off for breakfast before an ominous sign pops up again. The nice, long walk to the cafeteria yields me a sumptuous idli sambhar (why are you giggling? I am serious when I say sumptuous, ain’t I?), and ah yes, also one cutting Bournvita. I try negotiating for a larger quantity, but I am rendered a disdainful look, and am made to understand that the price of milk has suddenly increased, albeit only on the premises of my office. Whatever!!
I walk back to my cubicle with my fingers crossed and a prayer in my heart. I unlock my computer and see what I fear most – half a dozen mails flagged URGENT! staring me in the face. I race with time to finish the deliverables by noon so that I can have a peaceful lunch, but time beats me fair and square. I walk down for some reprieve, hang out in the cafeteria with friends, and yes, I eat my lunch too (I’ll skip the description this time). We get into meaningless debate post lunch, the sole agenda of which is to dilly-dally that moment when we need to go back to our “work”stations. But we finally submit to the will of the boss. I walk back, this time not only with a heavy heart, but also a heavy belly. I “sleepwork” through the rest of my deliverables, seeking occasional respite from the ever lovable bulletin board. At 5 PM, I find ‘OMG, the deliverables are not complete yet!’, but pack my bag nonetheless, reconciling myself to the fact that this is an endless cycle and will repeat itself tomorrow, day after tomorrow, and the day after that, too.
As I prepare to leave, I pray for Adam Sandler’s ‘Click’ remote, that could take me fifteen years back in time, when I rather looked forward to going to school on a Monday morning, because I so loved everything about it. Or if that is too much of an ask, it could at least take me four days ahead in time, where I walk into office on an easy Friday in my Nike loafers and casual denim, feeling free, at last…

2008-01-07T22:45:00.000-08:00

Champions turned Louts

For almost a decade, the Australians have stayed smug in a nebula of arrogance. Duly so. Despite valiant attempts and close scares given by many a team, they managed to retain their throne for pretty long, and their glory remained unscathed. And just when one might have begun to wonder how to show these vain dandies their place, someone just made our job easy. Guess who? They, themselves, of course.
With the sheer impudence displayed by the Australians in the Sydney test, they have, probably permanently, scarred their image in the cricketing world, and have deprived them of a lot of respect they could have otherwise earned for being arguably the best side in international cricket. And it is such a crying shame that the man bearing proudly this flag of ignominy is their own leader, Ricky Ponting. His brazen appeal, after he clearly floored a catch that deflected off Dhoni’s pad, shouts out loud the mentality of his team – that the spirit of a sportsman means nothing to victory addicts. Clarke’s adamancy at the crease after offering a sitter to the slips, Symond’s cheeky smile after getting a lifer from his umpire-turned-benefactor, and Ponting’s gesture after Ganguly’s dismissal – all bear testimony to the same truth. Little wonder, then, that Peter Roebuck called the team a pack of wild dogs yesterday who have brought “shame to their nation”.
But after all that has transpired, the only thing that really hurts is that it is being suggested that the tour now be called off. Should the agenda now not be to give a fitting reply to the cheats, and teach them a lesson in sportsmanship? It hardly matters now whether India wins or loses the series. What matters is putting up a fight that tells the Aussies what the spirit of Team India really is. With stalwarts like Tendulkar, Ganguly and Dravid on the team, who knows – India might just serve the Aussies their comeuppance.
I was in Melbourne during the India-Australia tour in India last October. It pinched to see the way the Australian media had ridiculed our players, naming individual players like Sreesanth and commenting that they were resorting to plain “monkey antics” on the field. Was that not racism? We should be asking Symonds how was that comment different from what he says Harbhajan called him. For their sake, the Aussies should stop behaving like cry-babies; they’d rather bask in the glory of their championship while it lasts.

2007-03-25T04:35:00.000-07:00

As the ball soared up in the air, punched off the usually brutal blade of Rahul Dravid's bat, a million hearts held still. Five seconds of an endless wait to see what none of us wanted to see-the ball landing right in the hands of Muralitharan, who danced ecstatically even as a million hearts cried. The verdict was virtually out-India's out of the World Cup. For a country that has made cricket its religion, it was a tough reality to reconcile with. And the repercussions are very obvious.
Within minutes of India's ignominious defeat, in fact even before that, the media had begun splashing muck on the names of our cricketing heroes, blog posts had begun surfacing imploring all Indians to boycott the products endorsed by Team India, and what have you. Like any other Indian cricket buff, I too, was disappointed by the dismal performance. But as an afterthought, we might want to ask ourselves what authority we, the public, really are to hurl expletives on these players, who are just another eleven humans like us. In fact, if today we accuse them of taking their stardom for granted and of approaching the game too callously, we also have a role to play here. We are the ones who take them to a pedestal with a small spark of brilliance they show in the initial phase of their career, and we also are the ones who raze them to the ground so ruthlessly when they fall below expectations. A couple of blitzkreig knocks by a newcomer called MS Dhoni make us compare him to a cricketing God called Sachin Tendulkar. Can we, then, blame him if he starts focusing more on flaunting his locks and campaigning for hair gels rather than concentrating on his game?
It's worthwhile to understand that at the end of the day, it is but a game, and someone has got to be on the receiving side. Give them a life, they are no sinners. Stop baying for their blood. And yes, they do need to mend their ways. But they are veterans, and mature enough to understand on their own that if they do not, they are doomed, because for them, cricket is their primary mode of earning their bread. The secondary sources in the form of brand endorsements are anyway going to run dry for them because no advertiser is now going to sign up any of these players until they can show their worth again. So we need not bother to boycott the products. I, for one, am not willing to give up my Adidas sneakers just because someone is not scoring runs, for no fault of mine.
The best way to bring these players down to reality would probably be to ignore them. Waiting for them with handfuls of stones at the airport will only reiterate their belief that we still worship them and expect them to do better in the future.

2006-08-18T07:43:00.000-07:00

Alvida For Good

As the curtains rise, you see the sun rise above the Manhattan skyscrapers, sweet harmony of the violin fill the air even as a mild gale sweeps the freshly fallen autumn leaves across Brooklyn Bridge, and you know you are in marshmallow candy land. The audience breaks into applause as the Dharma Productions symbol graces the screen. But Alas! The KJ magic fails to deliver- and the hit goes wide, wide off the target.
So whatever happened to the equation “Big banner + Big star cast + Chartbuster music = Blockbuster of the year”? Owe it all to one of the lousiest scripts written in recent times- lousy not only in its premise, but also in its description. Two bitter couples with constant differences of opinion and lifestyle just can’t get enough of sniping at each other. On one hand, you have this unsuccessful soccer player whose dreams and career come crashing down with a permanent cripple, who then remains permanently caustic because his career-minded wife races far ahead in achieving her ambition. On the other hand, you have a doting husband who adores his wife to the fullest, but she sulks 24/7 because she can’t seem to “find true love”. (What were you thinking of while tying the nuptial knot, Rani?)
So far, so good, however. The movie proceeds in a sensible method for the first hour, providing splendid cinematography, decent music, and the trademark KJ dance number in an unbelievably huge mansion with the Bachchan duo gyrating in the midst of twenty odd white sirens. If nothing much, it at least promises to keep some hope kindled in anticipation of something exciting ahead. And voila! Here comes the twist: SRK and Rani, after scores of tiffs with their respective spouses, discover in each other the love and amiability they have always longed for. How? Don’t ask- it’s Bollywood.
I think our poor director forgot while directing the first half that Indian movies have to stretch three hours and beyond. So in the first half, things move at whirlwind pace, as two embittered souls, almost strangers to each other, find panacea in each other over half a dozen cups of coffee on the streets of New York. And then on one gloomy night, they have an acerbic verbal duel with their better halves, walk out on them, meet at a station and rather impulsively declare their newfound love to each other.
Then in the second half, KJ finds that he has little left to tell us, and a lot of our time to kill. So he drags the film like crazy, repeatedly showing how the two lovebirds shamelessly continue their clandestine affairs under their loyal partners’ noses, till their conscience pinches so hard that they confess the truth. Deservedly, they are kicked out by Abhishek and Preity, out of their homes and out of their lives. At this point, had sense of logic and mercy on the poor audience prevailed, the director would have given the final cut right there. But hold on, we are far from having completed three hours! And more importantly, you need to have a happy ending. So we have another marathon session where the two lament over their mistakes for three long years. And after this is done, you find SRK on his knees in front of Rani, having defeated all pangs of guilt, suggesting to her that they should serve their comeuppance for their past mistakes together. How very convenient, ain’t it? Kudos to the new definition of morality. So listen out all ye unfaithful men in the world: you have nothing to fret about, because if your wife shows you the door, you can go look for another woman who is in the same boat, and all your woes shall be solved.
SRK provided hope in the first half of the film that he had learnt the art of emoting in moderation, but disappointed in the latter half. Rani carried a zombie-like expression throughout the movie as though she was coerced into doing the film. Preity was passable, but then there was nothing much for her in the film anyway. The music could be given some credit, but will be a fleeting fad at best. If there’s anything that might redeem the movie, it was the dynamism of the Bachchan duo. Amitabh is, as usual, splendid, be it in carrying the “Sexy Sam” image of a man who works his charm around every chick in town, or as the concerned father who prays that his son’s marriage be saved from wreckage. Abhishek, too, has come into his own, and once again shows immense acting prowess throughout the movie.
My thumbs down to the director, though. We would expect him to do much better than that. The humour he has tried to inject is nothing short of being crass. Double entendres and obscene gestures don’t always get the audience roaring, especially if the artistes enacting them are misfits. There are also some basic flaws in the movie, like SRK and Preity having from their five-year old marriage a son who looks no less than seven. Let’s not analyze that aspect, though, for this sensitive angle potentially provides an entirely new plot to KJ’s sequel to KANK, which, much to our dismay, might hit the screens in the near future. When you are competing with the likes of RDB and Omkara, merely presenting a mega star cast and good music will not suffice. I hope the director comes up with something better next time.